Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
