You can't special order awesome
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
