I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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