R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
