I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
