home. puking in laundry basket.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize