My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
