So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
