just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
