I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
