The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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