i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize