From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
