my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
