You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize