Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
