Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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