Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
