Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
