All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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