So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
