I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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