Have you finally orgasmed yet?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We need to get me chipped asap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
