im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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