dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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