I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This baby is an asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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