It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize