This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
