Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
