Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
