Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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