no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
