Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize