the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
