ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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