She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
