i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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