I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
there is glitter all over my balls
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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