Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
