I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize