i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
