weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
