aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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