i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
