Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
