grandma shit on top of the toilet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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