I'm jealous of your bromance
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
