i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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