Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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