Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
