That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
