my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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