after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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