The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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