When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
