Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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