I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
