Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
