I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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