You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
