And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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