fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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