U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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