If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
