I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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