Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
