They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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