Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
