That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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