so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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