During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
