so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
