Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
