Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
