Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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