I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
