it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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